A Very Random Christmas
by Psychos-Anonymous
Summary: The Crew does a Christmas special exploring the traditions of Christmas! Random stuff, no actual plot. To many big words!


Ummmmmmmmmm........This made Tsuki and me laugh hysterically just thinking of it. Though that might be because we are insane......ANYWAY! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!  
  
AN: I own the entire revised version of 'The Night Before Christmas'. I don't own the actual story.  
  
~Disclaimer Skit~  
  
P.A.: Do I own this? *looks at lawyers*  
  
Lawyers: *shake their heads no*  
  
P.A.: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! OH THE INSANI-OH MY GOSH! A COOKIE! *eats cookie* I am content.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's Christmas time at the Psychos-Anonymous Mansion. The Crew is having a little get together in honor of the holiday.......AND TAPING IT FOR A LIVE BROADCAST! NOW, HERE IS 'A VERY RANDOM CHRISTMAS!'  
  
The camera fades in to show a window looking out onto a snowy evening. There is a group of carolers outside the window. They sing in harmony some of our favorite tunes.  
  
Carolers: ~Silent night, Holy night. All is calm, All is right. Round yon virgin, mother and ch-*stop singing and look to their left* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *run away*  
  
Ceke and Matt: *run by window with chainsaws laughing insanely*  
  
The camera swings around to show the room instead. It is decorated with lights and tinsel and a little mistletoe here and there. There is also a roaring fire in the fireplace. Kurama and Hiei sit in front of the fireplace having a conversation, Yusuke is roasting chestnuts with Cean, and P.A. is sitting in an overstuffed armchair. The camera zooms in solely on P.A. and she smiles at it.  
  
P.A.: Welcome friends, foes, and telemarketers. Welcome to my humble home. Tonight we have-*camera turns slowly away from P.A.* TSUKI! CAMERA ON ME WHEN I'M TALKING! *camera swings back hurriedly* Thank you. Anyway, as I was saying, tonight we are going to celebrate the Christmas spirit with some old traditions.  
  
Yusuke: *camera zooms out to show everyone in the room* You mean terrorizing carolers?  
  
P.A.: Besides that one, I mean.  
  
Kurama: How about we start with the Christmas tree?  
  
P.A.: Perfect! We'll do that after this commercial break! *jumps up and poses* ONWARD!  
  
~*~*~TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL!~*~*~  
  
Koenma: What urges this protest, Kurama?  
  
Kurama: Urge? I've got the urge!  
  
Herbal Essence Men: *appear in the room out of nowhere* He's got the urge!  
  
Kurama: o_o  
  
Herbal Essence Men: He's got the urge for herbal! *advance menacingly with shampoo*  
  
Kurama: O_O AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *turns and runs* IT'S KARASU ALL OVER AGAIN! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Herbal Essence Men: *pout*  
  
P.A.: *appears out of nowhere* He's got the urge! Do you? I also recommend the body wash! *poses with the bottles*  
  
Herbal Essence Men: Did you say 'urge'? *smile evilly*  
  
P.A.: O_O AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *runs after Kurama* WAIT FOR ME KURAMA!  
  
Herbal Essence Men: Use Herbal Essence! We need more people to molest! *chase after the fleeing Kurama and P.A.*  
  
~*~*~AND BACK TO THE SHOW~*~*~  
  
Camera opens to a Christmas tree farm. There are horse drawn wagons to take you to the trees. In a field of trees, you see several carolers running and screaming. Following them are Ceke and Matt with axes. A little ways away, P.A. and company stand next to one of the wagons.  
  
P.A.: Welcome back my lovely viewers! We're here for the perfect tree!  
  
Kurama: Shall we start?  
  
Cean: *takes off into trees* TREES!  
  
Hiei: *walking next to P.A.* I thought she was Tsuki's counterpart.  
  
P.A.: *sweatdrop* She is....  
  
Yusuke: She's just in the Christmas spirit!  
  
P.A.: Who has the saw?  
  
Kurama: *holds up saw* I do.  
  
P.A.: *eyes it* I'll carry it for you...if you want...  
  
Kurama: O_o No. I think not.  
  
P.A.: *pout*  
  
Cean: *sniffing tree* This one seems good.  
  
Hiei: No way! Do you see the way the branches sag? This won't last a week!  
  
Yusuke: O_O You know trees?  
  
Kurama: He lives in trees, Yusuke.  
  
Yusuke: Oh yeah.  
  
P.A.: I swear he'll marry a squirrel someday.  
  
Hiei: *smacks her upside the head* Shut up, baka! Now lets find a suitable tree. *walks up rows*  
  
P.A.: *glares and mutters death threats*  
  
Cean: LOOK! A marathon is going on! *points at fleeing carolers*  
  
Matt and Ceke: *chasing carolers* NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! RUN! RUN IN FEAR MORTALS!  
  
Kurama: And it appears that Matt and Ceke are participating.  
  
Yusuke: Apparently.  
  
P.A.: Let's catch up with Mister Tree Man before he scares someone. *walks off with the others to Hiei who is walking around a tree*  
  
Hiei: This one is nice. Even branch coverage, strong limbs, and no dead needles.  
  
Kurama: I also sense no sickness in this tree.  
  
Cean: LET'S TAKE IT!  
  
Random Father: *walks up to their tree* Let's contract this lone tree, kin!  
  
The Crew: O_o  
  
Random Mother: *comes up next to him with her three little children* Oh it is faultless! Do you encompass the blade?  
  
Cean: *whispers to Kurama* What are they saying?  
  
Kurama: *whispers back* They want our tree!  
  
Cean: Oh...*steps in front of tree* HEY! This is our tree!  
  
Yusuke: *stands beside her* We were here first, so screw off and find another one!  
  
Random Father: You must indubitably be erroneous. This flaxen organism of vegetation is ours!  
  
Kurama: *eyes flash gold* I believe you are the one who is mistaken.  
  
Random Children of the Random Father and Mother: Oh no, citizens. You failed to initiate any motions to obtain the evergreen. So we claimed it primarily.  
  
The Crew: O_o Nani?.....  
  
Random Father: We will be parting in the company of our plant life at this moment.  
  
Hiei: *unsheathes katana* Death may hinder that action......  
  
P.A.: *steps forward* Nay Tree Man! These temperate folk do not encompass the audacity nor the potency to seize this tree from our embrace.  
  
Random Family and The Crew: O_O  
  
P.A.: *triumphant smirk* I beg your pardon, any chic annotations, you foolhardy assemblage of ignoramuses?  
  
Random Family: *glare* You articulate but do you discern your verbal communication?  
  
P.A.: *glare* I may well be dawdling in psyche, but I am on proverbial terms with that which I address.  
  
Random Family: Uh....um....  
  
P.A.: Come again? Has the feline acquired your tongue?  
  
Random Father: *glare* Come, family. *walks off with Random Family*  
  
The Crew: *blink blink*  
  
P.A.: *turns to them and smiles* And that my associates is how you obtain a Christmas tree.  
  
Kurama: Uh....right....Shall we cut it down now?  
  
Hiei: Sure....  
  
Cean: Yusuke and I will go get some hot chocolate....*walks off with a dumbfounded Yusuke*  
  
P.A.: I think it's time for a commercial now!  
  
~*~*~COMMERCIAL~*~*~  
  
Announcer: *walks up to Kuwabara* Are you ugly?  
  
Kuwabara: HEY! WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!  
  
Hiei: *walks up* Exactly what it means, baka.  
  
Kuwabara: Hey! Watch it, shrimp-face! I could pound you right now!  
  
P.A.: *pops out of nowhere* Why would you pound someone you love?  
  
Kuwabara and Hiei: O_O  
  
P.A.: You know you like Hiei. I see the way you tease him and pay attention to him!  
  
Hiei: *turns green and backs away from Kuwabara*  
  
Kuwabara: I DO NOT LIKE THE SHRIMP!  
  
P.A.: *sigh* Ah.....the sound of denial.  
  
Kuwabara: *charges her* Why I ougtta-*gets hit on the head by P.A.* X_X  
  
P.A.: I'm spreadin' the holiday cheer! HO HO HO! WHERE'S THE CREAM FILLING!? *runs off laughing insanely*  
  
Hiei: O_o *pulls out a Twinkie*  
  
Announcer: Now that's the stuff. Hostess.  
  
~*~*~WELCOME BACK~*~*~  
  
The Crew is once again in the room with the fireplace. Kurama and Cean are busy decorating the tree while the others sit in front of the fire eating cookies and sipping hot cider.  
  
Hiei: I remember that commercial....*sips cider*  
  
P.A.: Good times, good times...... *eats a cookie*  
  
Yusuke: What are we going to do now that we have our tree?  
  
P.A.: Well, I thought we cou-*gets interrupted by screaming* OH BLOODY 'ELL! *walks to door and opens it* COULD YE KEEP I' DOWN OU' THERE, YE BLOODY CAROLERS?! YA TOO MATT AN' CEKE! I BE TRYIN' TA TELL A STORY 'ERE! SAVVY?! *slams door and stalks back to fire* WHERE'S ME RUM?! *grabs her cider and takes a long drink*  
  
Kurama: *stringing lights* And what was that all about?  
  
Cean: *trying to put star on the tree* She just went Cap'n Sparrow on whoever was outside.  
  
Yusuke: Cap'n who?  
  
P.A.: *puts down glass* Never you mind. I'm over it. Anyway, as I was saying, I could tell the story 'The Night Before Christmas'.  
  
Cean: WHEE! *jumps down next to Yusuke* TELL THE STORY!  
  
Hiei: *hands Cean a cider* Yes, do tell. I have never heard this story.  
  
P.A.: VERY WELL THEN! *jumps up into her armchair and pulls a book out of nowhere*  
  
Kurama: *sits on the floor and takes a cookie* I always loved this story when I was younger.  
  
P.A.: This is a guy narrator by the way. *opens book* Ahem. It was the night before Christmas, and all through the shack, not creature was stirring, not even Jack Black. The watchdogs were tied by the chimney with care, in hopes that the fat red guy would soon be there.  
  
Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei: O_O  
  
Cean: ^__________^  
  
P.A.: The children were all strapped in tight in their beds, while nightmares of Michel Jackson swam in their heads. And mom in her lingerie, and I in the nude, we settled our bodies, my sisters a dude. When outside the house, there came such a noise. I jumped up from bed, ready to kill the neighboring boys. Over to the windows I ran in much haste. I learned the window doesn't open, when you use your face. The moon in the sky made the snow look quite mellow. You hardly notice those designs in yellow. And right in front of me, what should show up? Eight little mules pulling a little teacup. It had a happy driver, so high and vulgar, I knew at once it must be a burglar! So quick they flew through the Ohio sky, he whooped and hollered as they flew by.  
  
Yusuke: This is so screwed up.....  
  
P.A.: *continues as if she hasn't heard him* He said: "On Jorge! On Rancid! On Tinkle! On Crack! Now Pedro! Now Wolfwood! Now Walter! Now Mac! To the top of the house, To the top of the shack! Go that way, go that way, don't look back!" Cracked his skin was even from here, he needed some lotions, or maybe a beer. He went towards my house, with all of his toys, no doubt for the good kids, not us naughty boys. *wink wink* Then in a second, I heard above me, the sound of someone up there who just whacked his knee. As I turned to look up to see where he went, he jumped down the fire exhaust vent. He was all dressed in red. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he bled. His clothes were all dirty with ashes and dust, I think my fear was just about to bust! He had a bundle on his back, no doubt from elsewhere. He planned to steal our stuff and our prized silverware! His eyes were twinkling, I bet ya he's high. His cheeks were all rosy, he hasn't zipped up his fly. He was smoking a pipe, full of hobbit pipe weed. I wish he would give me some! *twitch* I'm in need! He was really fat, he needed Weight Watchers. If he kept smiling like that, I swear I would go off my rocker! I laughed at him, for in jolly mood, the watchdogs attacked him, for they thought only of food. He screamed and screamed and begged for mercy, while I went to get lemonade or maybe some jerky. I came back to find no one, for he left in a hurry. He left all those toys in his panicked flurry. I ran to the window, careful this time, to see him fly away, DAMN THIS GODFORSAKEN RHYME! And he yelled back to me as he left my view, "I'll get you, you little bastard! I'm gonna sue!" *closes book and smiles*  
  
The Crew: O_O  
  
P.A.: I always loved that story.....  
  
Hiei: You ningens frighten me.....  
  
Kurama: So....what shall we do next?  
  
P.A.: Well, we could do some.....*stops and holds still*  
  
Yusuke: What is it?  
  
P.A.: Sh! Don't you here it?!  
  
Everyone listens as a scraping noise is heard from near the fireplace. Suddenly, a pair of boots comes down the chimney.  
  
The Crew: O_O AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *run everywhere in panic*  
  
The camera flies around and you see random images of cast members running everywhere, decorations being knocked over, and a big fat red man being mauled by P.A. The camera suddenly dissolves into static. After a short period, the camera comes on to show a flaming house and the fire department scurrying around. The Crew stands in front of the house.  
  
P.A.: Well, I think that wraps up our special. *sigh*  
  
Cean: Who was that red guy?  
  
Yusuke: A burglar?  
  
Kurama: Sure. Let's go with that.  
  
Hiei: This was idiotic.....  
  
P.A.: No Hiei! Don't you see!? This taught us a very important lesson!  
  
Yusuke: And that is?  
  
P.A.: That when your pattling down a river and a pig flies over, it takes no pancakes to fill a dog house because ice cream doesn't have bones! ^______^  
  
The Crew: O_o  
  
P.A.: I know. It moves me too. ANYWHO! Let's end this on a happy note!  
  
Kurama: How?  
  
P.A.: EVERYBODY NOW!  
  
The Crew, the YYH cast, the carolers, Crispy Santa, and the fire fighters: *singing* We wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a merry Hanukah! We wish you a merry Kwanzaa! And a happy potluck! Bad tidings we bring, to you and your sins! We wish you a merry....uh....Assorted Holidays and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!  
  
And the camera fades to black......  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
P.A.: Ah! That felt good!  
  
Tsuki: What do you mean?! We just destroyed the traditions of an age-old holiday!  
  
P.A.: I KNOW! ISN'T IT GREAT?  
  
Tsuki: *slaps forehead*  
  
P.A.: The 'Revised Night Before Christmas' is mine and the song at the end is too. I read the revised story to my mom and she asked "Is anything sacred?!" and I walked away laughing like a maniac.  
  
Tsuki: *sigh* R&R folks! CLICK THE 'GO' BUTTON! MAKE US HAPPY! 


End file.
